Anxiety, it is something that appears when I don't want it to and sometimes when I don't expect it. In this case, writing two research papers combined with my procrastination have left the door wide open for my unwelcome guest. Sleepless nights, irritability, stomach aches, shallow breathing, sallow skin and dark circles under my eyes have not helped me to feel my best. I keep struggling and struggling to get past this mental block that I am not a good writer, I want to be perfect, I want to get a good grade, I am afraid of "failing", what was that that Winston Churchill said about failure? That quote that I have posted in my classroom at work and that I post often to remind myself of? Oh, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts". When I have an assignment due, specifically a paper to write for school, I start using avoidance techniques, I find everything else to do until it is the last moment and then I build up this insurmountable "monster" out of my task to accomplish. It becomes so big, that it almost swallows me whole.
Today, this morning, I woke up and decided, that it is only a paper, I will do my best, it won't be perfect, because honestly, my writing stinks. Probably because I avoid doing it so much. I recently read about the "evaporated people" in Japan including one young student that disappeared himself because he was so afraid of failure. But failure isn't something we should be terrified of, it is something that happens sometimes, and we move on. It's part of being brave, part of getting to "the other side of fear" and finding everything I want. Today, I am "embracing the suck" a suck that I would prefer not to have to embrace, I will embrace it. Research paper, I refuse to let you own my life anymore, It's ok if I don't get a perfect score on my paper, I am trying my hardest. Thanks Mr. Churchill I needed that reminder.
Some other great quotes from ole' Winston:
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
If you're going through hell, keep going.
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.
Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
